A Q&A with the man in red

On the lead up to Christmas Eve, ‘Santa Claus’ stopped discretely into sunny Marlborough to pick up Marlborough Weekly’s and Marlborough Magazines to check who has been naughty or nice in the region this year. Amidst his preparations for the big day, Father Christmas lifts the lid on questions children (and grown-up children) had for him, from his opinion on changing flying reindeer regulations to revealing a few preparation secrets.

What should we call you – St Nicholas, Santa Claus, Father Christmas?
Santa: I go by all names – St Nick, Santa Claus, Father Christmas, big fella. It depends where I go in the world. I’ll answer to almost anything.

Thanks for stopping by Marlborough. Is this part of your pre-Christmas preparations?
Santa: Absolutely. I like to see what the sun looks like down here and there are more children than ever, so operations have expanded. Not many people know this I have a secret second workshop in the South Pole. While sorting that out, I hang out here but I’m never not working – always checking who’s naughty and who’s nice but this is my calm before the storm. I like to go into town and do a bit of fishing too. Your Tea Shack is great, I love boba tea – apple fizzy with dragon fruit bobas. Red and green, very Christmassy.

People think you only work one day a year. Is that true?
Santa: Not at all. It’s like your wine industry – harvest is the busiest time, but there’s work all year. I spend the year watching over everyone, keeping records, and getting presents ready. We can’t do that in one day.

Let’s talk Rudolph. Some say he’s a one-trick reindeer because of his shiny nose on one foggy Christmas eve. What’s your view?
Santa: Rudolph’s role has changed. Back in the day, skies weren’t busy. Now, with health and safety, he’s a beacon for other aircraft. It’s essential.

How do you prepare for Marlborough’s high winds?
Santa: I get as heavy as possible so the wind can’t blow me around. Opposite of cutting for summer – I bulk up.

How do you go incognito in summer?
Santa: Yes. I lose weight, tint my hair, maybe grey the beard. But then people think I’m Jack Black.

What’s the relationship with Elf on the Shelf like at the moment?
Santa: That relationship started with good intentions keeping an eye on all the good kids expanding our knowledge but some elves have gone rogue. One I saw filled a toilet bowl with cereal. Very naughty.

Do elves get benefits?
Santa: Yes – free housing, food, insurance including dental, education, and we all have Christmas Day off.

Any fashion tips?
Santa: Hawaiian shirts – we need more of them. They suit everyone.